Human Jukebox

The character is like a jukebox. Press a button and the program searches the files (the past) for what to play. Let’s say someone pressed one of your buttons and for a few moments, your character was off and running.

Thoughts cascading, interpretations being made, anger being felt. No control over any of it, then… it was over. Time to deconstruct.

A person, the character, the conversation, and the thoughts are appearances. Oneness forming itself into and expressing itself, temporarily, in a variety of forms. Some seemingly tangible (people) and intangible (conversation and thoughts).

Neither your character nor the other person had any control over the thoughts that had arisen, words spoken, actions taken, and any feelings that were felt.

Who was there to feel anger? No-one. At whom was the anger directed? No-one. Where was the anger located? Nowhere. Where were the thoughts that formed themselves into feelings located? Nowhere. Who had the conversation? No-one.

In short, nothing happened.

What It Takes to See

At some point during my seeking, I finally reached a point where I hit a dead end. I knew instinctively that I was missing some small thing and if I could figure out what it was, I’d be done. I also knew that because I was me, I wouldn’t be able to see it … In my case, I needed an outside reference to help me see what was missing.

After reviewing numerous websites and YouTube videos, I found someone with whom I could relate. After seven email exchanges, Boom! I saw what was missing.

During our last conversation, they asked if there was anything else I’d like to share. I thought about the challenges and struggles I’d faced along the way and what I’d tell another seeker. I told them this:

“To see this, first, you must be 100% committed to seeing it. It can’t be a nice idea, an intellectual curiosity. You have got to pursue this as if you have no other choice.


Second, you must be open with a willingness to set aside your current beliefs about how things are and engage in rigorous inquiry. No-one can give this to you.


Your beliefs might rush in saying, “Yeah, but…”, “OK, but what about…?”, “I was taught that…”, “My other teacher or the book I read said…” All this must be pushed aside and sometimes quite aggressively.


Third, you must engage in active listening. Listen carefully to the words your guide is using. Be sure you are clear on the context within which the words are being used. Sometimes, when you review what was asked or said, you realize that what you thought you heard versus what was actually said are two different things.


Fourth, this ties in with number 2… practical application… You can’t just sit and ponder, you must apply the ideas to your life; see them in action. Do the work.


Fifth, be 100% honest with your guide and with yourself. You can’t cheat your way through this. Wherever you are in your understanding or lack thereof is fine, but your guide can’t help you if you are withholding. Withholding is unfair both to the guide and yourself.


I think that this was probably the greatest battle I’ve ever had with my mind, my character, but when the truth is seen, it is seen and can never be unseen.


This here, now is all there is. Transitory appearances emerge, exist, and disappear. One movement; everything happening at once; a symphony! Anything other than this is a story. It truly is liberation, for no-one.”


I think I’d add one more thing… a willingness to embrace paradox.


Surgeon writing down some operation notes

I am alive, I exist, and I am present. I also know that I am alert and awake… awake as in conscious and not asleep in my bed.

How do I know this? Breathing, heart beating, aware of the sensations being captured by the senses, thoughts arising then dissolving.

Notice all the I’s above…

Without the I, how is it known that breathing, sensing, thinking and all the rest are happening? There’s an awareness of it. For example, there is silence then a sound emerges out of that silence and it is noticed, there’s an awareness of the sound.

“being” is a synonym of the word “existing”… Existing, alert, alive, awake (conscious), aware, present… these words are often bundled into the phrase “sense of being” or “sense of aliveness”.

Has there ever been a time when the sense of being/aliveness was not present? During the first seven months of 2011, I had a rare but benign tumor removed; a hysterectomy, and a hernia repair. Two of those surgeries required general anesthesia. While on the operating table, each anesthesiologist told me to count backwards from 10. The next thing of which I was aware, was waking up in the recovery room. While I was under, there was no sense of being. The body breathed, the heart beat and all the rest of it without the presence or need of an I.

While there is a recollection of the idea of being under anesthesia, there is no memory of any content occurring while I was under.